God has spoken!
Help Darwin get broadband and win
a place in the heaven of your choice

One of the first people .... Well, He/She's not a person really. Let's call Him a deity for the sake of ease here. Let's try this again.

One of the first deities to get on board with supporting broadband for the neglected and under-served citizenry of Darwin is none other than the big Guy in the Sky, the Master Blaster, the boss of afterlife bliss — God Himself.

That's right. No baloney. No BS.

God is down
with broadband
for Darwin
Soon after this site went up, we received a personal e-mail from God Himself — the deity with the power of the hour. Not only is He completely behind and COMPLETELY DOWN with broadband for Darwin (see below), the King of Kings has promised everlasting joy in the clouds to the good samaritan who finally does the deed and gets broadband into Darwin.

Okay, you say, "I work for Malaysia Bell and I can't do it alone. I'll need help from my crew from the steamy jungles of Pahang. I need them to do the residential connections while I set up the switch. We don't want to come all the way from Malaysia to have only ONE of us ride the glittering escalator upstairs. We all wanna go .... When it's time of course."

No-questions-asked FREE sky pass
No problem there, Mr. Festalala. God has you covered in an e-mail addendum only recently received. The Man assures us that everyone gets to fly up into the sky if a crew is needed to do the high-speed deal in Darwin.

"I'm only too happy to help any and all who help Darwin citizenry better utilize their short time on Earth by installing the broadband they so much deserve."

Don't believe God sent an e-mail? Doubt no more. Directly below is the actual unedited e-mail.

We deleted the actual e-mail address at God's request. If God's domain name leaked out, His servers couldn't handle everyone and their grandmother e-mailing for favors. But trust us, we saw the domain name AND checked it out fully. The web site is the real thing.

Dear BBD web site:

Some minions turned me on to Darwin's plight. I can really get behind a project like this. I don't often offer a no-questions-asked pass to the land of light, but I feel that no one in this day and age should live without high-speed. With good bandwidth. Make sure they give you the bandwidth. Raw speed means bupkis without BW. LOL ;-0

Some may question why God would stick his schnozzle into what some would erroneously call petty materialism. But let me give you an example. Let's say you were of the Christian persuasion and wanted to download the latest King James for your Kindle. Long story short: You can't update a Kindle without a speedy connection. (DON'T get me started on the Ipad. Steve's last name — plus the dressing all-in-black shtick — gets me a little shpilkis.)

So let me know if someone does the work, and wants the free pass. But check the quality first and make sure everything works. I can't let some shlubby shikker in up here and then turn around and kick him out if the connection goes intermittent because of shlock cable. Everyone would give me tssoris like you wouldn't believe about changing my mind. The whole "God's word is law" thing haunts me always.

I thought about making a "one-time-only" appearance at a Darwin broadband fundraiser like you requested, but I have too much chai kock to do up here, it isn't funny. Plus that would mean new schmattes, and I hate shopping.

So let me know if you have any takers.

Good luck.

Your Pal,

God

So how do you get this free pass after you do the work? Well, God is all-seeing and all knowing, so no further action is necessary on your part or ours, He said. Just do a good job. And when your time comes, He will take care of the rest. Oh, He said that the free pass does NOT give you the license to sin like crazy once you hook up Darwin.